nostalgia, and the comfort therein, or "How to love to hate where you are."

I just stepped out for a cigarette, and as I watched the landscapers go around the apartment complex, doing what they do every monday or so, I got to thinking. I thought about the first day of the new semester and about old faces not seen, and new faces cropping up. I thought about that old building with its hallways and catwalks and riggings. I thought about my professors, and the theatre faculty, and everything that I have learned through them.

I thought about these things fondly, without reservation, skipping from memory to memory in my mind. I thought about the smiling faces of my peers. I thought about all of that shit.

I think today when I step in front of that building again, with it's sharp angles and that singular, not-quite-offensive, not-quite-enjoyable yet completely nostalgic smell, that I will just stop right in front of it and take a minute to remember everything I've done for it, and everything it has done for me.

The ritual of loving to hate is a fun one, boys and girls. I love and hate that theatre more than many things in my life. It is a safe haven and a battlefield, it is a home and yet a prison. I love, yet hate that place. much as we all love, and hate ourselves to some extent. I don't know what things will be like when I try to leave this place.

I don't know if I will have the strength to cut that tie for a long time.

so ends my insight for today. here's a bullet list of things I've been up to.

- Woke up today (Sunday, August 23rd, the year 20 AD*.)

- Decided today was moving day.

-traveled to scottsdale to pick up jenny's grandparent's van (herein and after referred to as the Traveling High Occupancy Conveyance, or THOC!) and was fed by jenny's grandparents. fed. makes me sound like a dog or something. but then again, I heard once that men are dogs, so I suppose it's alright.

- Took the THOC back and forth from my new place of residence (affectionately dubbed 'house') and my old place of residence (less affectionately dubbed 'apartment') with various THOC-loads of furniture, knick-knacks, bedknobs, odds and ends, bric-a-brac, flotsam, jetsam and a small quantity of scrapbooking goods whose owner I will not name out of respect.

-Went to Jack in the box.

-Sang along to Waiting for My ruca in the car with jenny.

- Ate aforementioned Jack in the Box.

- Watched Dr. Who. (That's BEAUTIFUL!)

- wrote this blog.

-went to the cashier's office and turned in tuition waiver.

- went to cla-

.....

nope, I'm getting about two hours ahead of myself again.

spoilers, guys.

You'll just have to wait to see what I do next.

*A.D. - After Dylan

I'm surprised

this blog has lasted so long.


I never really thought I'd still be writing in here when I was 20, almost 21. cripes.




anyway. listen up.




Life is constantly changing. You can't ever go into any situation in life expecting only one outcome. We never know what will happen to us unless we go all out. and that's the thing. Going for something. Trying. Making effort. Putting yourself out there quite literally. Daunting? Sure. Scary? Yes. Chance of disappointment? 50/50. But the important thing to remember as you all travel away from us, and move on to what will hopefully be bigger and better and cooler things, I hope you always remember that there's a great big, crazy, horrible, beautiful, inspirational, demotivational, conglomerated world out there, and unless you are willing to put your hangups and your inhibitions by the wayside, you will never experience all it has to offer.



I hope, more than anything else, to see your names in papers, on screens, wrapped on a billboard, looking glamorous. I hope that one day I can call you all randomly and catch up, saying, "wow, remember when?" I hope none of you forget us here, and I hope that taking chances becomes a daily part of your lives. It's so very important.
Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft may win, by fearing to attempt.

so school starts in a week....

and this summer has been... interesting. Thought I wouldn't go back to school, but am anyway. Full time businesssssssss.


It's so close to being time now, I can taste it. My time is coming.




Sitting here writing this, I can look back at this summer and say I really enjoyed myself. I had crazy times, good times, bad times, in between times, and raunchy, sexy times, and it was all great.





Never a constant missing.


Not one person out of place.



Nothing to change.





Give me/your eyes/I need/Sunshine.